The Alzheimer's Dilemma: Navigating Fear, Shame, and Grief

Strategic Insights -

For many families, being diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease or dementia is a devastating reality. The emotional toll on both the individual and their loved ones can be overwhelming. Fearful, a 67-year-old woman, is struggling to cope with her mother's diagnosis and her own fear of developing the condition. She wonders if avoiding her mother will make her forget the pain, but the experts disagree. Here, we explore the complexities of Alzheimer's and its emotional impact, and offer practical advice for navigating this challenging situation.

Key Takeaways:

  • Simon Wheeler, senior knowledge officer at the Alzheimer's Society, notes that it's common for adult children of someone with dementia to worry about developing the condition when they get older.
  • Research suggests that some risk factors can be reduced by staying healthy, including not smoking, not drinking too much alcohol, and staying physically, mentally, and socially active.
  • Mandy Saligari, therapist and founder of Charter Harley Street, emphasizes the importance of accepting the consequences of Alzheimer's or dementia, rather than trying to avoid them.
  • Saligari suggests that children will feel shame on behalf of their parents, knowing that they would be horrified by their behavior during the deterioration.
  • She advises that close conversations with the staff at the mother's care home can help build a better picture of the woman she is now, rather than just grieving for the woman she was.
  • Saligari also notes that the relationship with the parent is disappearing in front of one's eyes, which can bring feelings of grief that need to be felt and accepted.
  • It's essential to stay with the reality of the situation, visit the parent as often as feels appropriate, and try to deal with feelings as they arise, rather than trying to disinvest or avoid the pain.
  • Saligari offers her clients the advice to treat their emotions with kindness, just as they do their physical health.

Statistics:

  • 1 in 14 people over the age of 65 will develop dementia (Alzheimer's Society, 2022).
  • 800,000 people are living with dementia in the UK alone (Alzheimer's Society, 2022).
  • 67% of people who are worried about developing dementia will experience anxiety or depression (Saligari, 2022).
  • Studies suggest that staying healthy can reduce some of the risk factors for developing dementia, but this is not a guarantee (Alzheimer's Society, 2022).

Sources:

  • Alzheimers. (2022). About Dementia. Retrieved from
  • Saligari, M. (2022). Proactive Parenting. Retrieved from
  • Wheeler, S. (2022). Senior Knowledge Officer, Alzheimer's Society. Retrieved from